No News Is Good News

My grandmother always had all these sayings.
Some little quote about every thing under the sun.
"If a task is once begun, never leave it 'til it's done.
Be the labor great or small, do it well or not at all."
That's a classic from Grandma.
And my mother has taken on the job of throwing out
these jewels since my grandmother is
no longer on the scene.
"Early to bed, early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."
(I know that's a Ben Franklin quote
---I didn't say these quips were originals)

So another one that they sometimes said is
"No News Is Good News." I realize that it's been
a week since I told you about my little medical situation.
Those of you who know me know what happened so
I know that you haven't been over there on pins and
needles. For the rest of you, I will tell you where we
stand now. First of all let me just tell you that it
was indeed good news. The nerf ball was not
the bad kind of nerf ball. It was actually a
hemorrhagic ovarian cyst. Here is an article you can read
explaining it if you are interested. But the thing
about mine is that it was in that small percentage
that they mention. Mine was extremely large for
one of these things. Too large for laparoscopy surgery.
I had to have the big cut.
About 7 inch incision. So much fun.
And it says they rarely rupture. Well, mine had ruptured
causing a lot of bleeding. The doctor seemed
surprised to find that when he cut into me.
But the thing is, it wasn't cancer.
And it's gone.
And now I just have to heal and get back to normal
and we can just forget this little thing ever happened.


I am so thankful for the results, the good news.
It's a very interesting thing to be the one sitting there
on the table, faced with the possibility that no one
wants to even admit. That first day....when the
"mystery mass" (AKA my nerf ball) was discovered,
I remember sitting there talking to my doctor and he kept
telling me all this information and I was just taking
it all in, trying to get a grasp on everything....and then
when the words "ovarian cancer" were said aloud
....it was just like somebody turned the light on in my head.
I hadn't understood that day all the concern and
the gentle treatment everyone at the various doctor's offices
and hospital offices showed me.
Then it clicked.
"Oh. This could actually be bad."
I didn't freak out.
I have to say, that "peace that passes understanding" is
good stuff. I didn't like the idea. I kept replaying in my
mind visits I had with my lovely friend who died of
ovarian cancer when I was pregnant with Baby J,
kept thinking of her and how strong and beautiful she was.
I wondered if God thought I was up to dealing with
something like that. It makes you stop and look
around at your life. Or it did me anyway.
I have to tell you, I don't know what God has been up to
in my life for several months now. And this whole
situation is just another layer of that.
I know something is going on.
I feel like in many ways I am becoming a different person,
I am changing on such a deep level.
It's hard to explain.
I am discovering things about myself that I never knew.
But even the day of the surgery, when I was
laying there getting the shot of "I don't care" medicine
(as the anesthetist called it-- he must like to use precise
medical terminology like I do), I had the most honest
conversation with God. Why ever lie to Him or pretend
to be something you are not? He knows.
He already knows. But I just prayed so honestly
to Him and I have to say, my heavenly Father's
unconditional love is a beautiful thing
to experience. I hope you have
had the joy of feeling that security.

So...I'm sorry I disappointed those of you who wanted
me to get on here with a handful of pills coursing through
my veins and a lamp shade on my head.
Really though---am I not a big enough goof ball for you
in my natural state? I know my family has gotten to
experience the joys of life with the Bell on drugs this week.
I haven't done big crazy things, just little ones.
We had a death in the family, a very close, sweet relative
and I was able to go to the funeral home visitation and
funeral (thanks to those lovely drugs) this weekend.
But I was, apparently, a very amusing conversationalist
at these times. I always have to be the joker anyway.
(Mrs. JP, can I get a witness?)
So don't you wish you'd been with me at the funeral home
this weekend? My brother and I literal cried
a time or too---and not the sad cry.
Although I did that several times too.
You gotta love a family who doesn't set their humor aside
during a time of loss. That's my family.
Oh, how I love those people.

So...I will try to get back on track here and start writing
regularly again. I have been over dosing on movies
and you tube and listening to Kings of Leon
until Lloyd Dobbler's head is about to explode.
My MIL has been here doing EVERYTHING for me.
Everything.
Literally everything.
How can I ever thank her enough?

To recap: good news on the medical front.
Your faithful Bell does not have an expiration date
penciled in on her medical charts.
She remains a spoiled rotten child of God.
And so happy to be that.
She is still rocking out and singing into wooden spoons
with the babes. She's still the one to make the joke
at the funeral home. She is also the first one to hug the
spouse of the deceased and tell him how much she
loves him. What a package, this Bell.
I hope you weren't thinking these ordinary days
were going to come to a screeching halt.
Not yet anyway.

Much love to you, Dear Reader.
Thanks for your concern for me.

under the knife

Today is the big day, Dear Reader.
I just want to get this over with.
I am NOT good at waiting and it has seemed
like forever. I realize it's been little over
a week. And I also realize I have nothing in the world
to be complaining about. I should be happy
that I've had good news so far. I am anticipating
more good news later today when I wake up
looking like I traded stomachs with Frankenstein.

So say a prayer for me.

Life just does unexpected things
to us, doesn't it?
I know that God has me safely
in the palm of His hand no matter what.
So....I'll be sure to come running back here
when I'm drugged and making less sense than ever.
Maybe I'll reveal all my deep dark secrets.
Or put songs that you actually like on the juke box.
You know, crazy stuff like that.
See ya later, Hubble.

Lent Free Blogging

I have actually had a couple of people
to ask your faithful Bell
what has happened to her. And I just have to
tell you, Dear Reader, I have been so distracted.
I would never forget you.
And no, I haven't given up blogging for lent.
To tell you the truth about that, I never knew
what lent was until the last few years. The churches
that I attended don't do that and the only lent I knew
was in connection with my clothes dryer.
So, no, there's no real reason for my absence.
I've just had my thoughts elsewhere.

But there has been a ripple in the usually smooth surface
of my ordinary days. I thought I should tell you
about it before I got trotting off to take care of the matter.
Just in case the path I am on
takes a different route.

So...here's the deal: I'm having surgery Monday.
Last week I went to my doctor after I'd had an
evening of pain. They discovered a 10-12 cm mass
on my right ovary. Further testing shows that it
is most likely not cancer---that was a relief to hear.
It'll be nice to have that confirmed.
So Monday they are taking it out, whatever it is.
My lovely friend called it a nerf ball, so that is what
I keep wanting to say:
I'm having my nerf ball taken out.

Here's the thing: I am dreading this.
I'm not afraid of the cancer bit. I know that it already is
whatever it is and God is in control of all of that.
I trust Him. I mean, I won't be HAPPY if they say,
"Hey, what do you know? It is cancer after all."
No, that's not what I want.
And I hate the wait.
Oh me....if you know me, waiting for anything
is not my strong suite.
I snoop for presents (and nothing can stop me!!!)
and I can't just wait and be patient.
I hate car trips.
I'm just not good in this area.
So these few days have been lovely for everyone
around me, I am sure. I have just wanted to play
really loud music and dance and be happy and
avoid the subject all together.
And don't listen to what people say. Denial is under-rated.
I find it to be the most pleasant way to pass the time.

Despite my skillful, musically charged denial,
I keep thinking of what lays ahead of me.
The surgery.
I hate surgery.
I mean, I've only had the one experience and it was an
emergency situation and all that. This might
be better. But there's still going to be the
big slice and the pain and the whole recovery mess.
Restrictions.
Pain.
Inconvenience.
And life has to go on.
All the stuff that is already on my plate is still there.
I am so thankful for my mother-in-law.
Let me just say that loud and clear right now.
She's coming like she did when I was put on bed rest
and when Baby J was born. She just comes
and does everything here plus takes care of me.
She is amazing in that. What a servants heart.
And I should never ever complain about her ever again.
Don't hold me to that, but just know that I love her
dearly and am so very, very thankful for her.

So...this is what is going on with me.
It's not anything really scary.
I mean, it might actually be a nerf ball.
Or something way less significant than that.
And they'll take it out and I'll get a couple of weeks
to walk slowly and take drugs----and listen up,
I am not nursing not caring for a new born baby this
time around. I am going to take whatever drugs
they offer me. Just knock me out for a few days.
Put me on some kind of a drip.
Just bring it on.
I will be in my happy place.
As much as possible.
I am not planning on talking to you lovely Dear Readers
until I am back from all of that and in my right mind.
But if somebody gets on here singing
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
.....it could be me.
Don't be alarmed.

I am sorry I've been out of touch
(or just absent for the most part).
Not that I haven't thought of you.
I just haven't had anything to say.
But I love you guys and I thank you for peeping through
my windows into my ordinary days.

May they remain blissfully ordinary.