Why can't we be friends?

Do you know that song "Why Can't We Be Friends?"
One of you Dear Readers has a cousin
who was singing that one time.
This is such a random memory
and that cousin of yours is not someone I know well
though I have known him all of his life.
Anyway....whenever I think of that song,
I think of him and that moment
when we just happened to be
in the vicinity of each other and he was singing that song.

"Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?"

If you know that one line, you know most of the song.
And I'm not putting it on the juke box.
I'm enjoying Livingston Taylor too much right now.

I've really been thinking about friendship lately,
about the things that draw us together and the things
that separate us. I have had some relationships
change in recent times and that has caused me to reflect
on the nature of friendships as well. But this Bible study
group that I belong to, this group gives me so much to
think about on so many different levels.

One thing that I come away from there thinking of
is the nature of friendships among women.
I guess this would be among women in general,
but I am thinking about it in the sphere of Christian women.
What I find myself thinking is:
"Why can't we be friends?"

I think I've really had my eyes opened to how
women judge each other (myself included)
from the very first second. We make up our minds
about the other person because of what they are wearing
or their style of hair or the number of children they have
(or don't have) or any number of little indicators that
make up the criteria for the category we are going to
put that person into in our mind.
We judge people and we decide whether or not we are
even going to give that person a chance to be our friend
before the first encounter is even made.

Two of the ladies in this little group I am part of
are very different from me. Very different.
And I embrace that. I like differences.
But it's been interesting for me to hear the perspective
and opinions of someone who views things from
a completely different branch of the tree
than the one on which I find myself perched.
I guess I am used to being different than others due to
circumstances throughout my childhood. I am fine
being different. I wouldn't know how to "be like
everyone else" so I don't even try.
And I do find myself rolling my eyes at those
who seem to have it as their big priority to make
themselves and their children whatever is "cool" at the
moment. That just seems so shallow to me.
But you see---there I am showing one of the things
that I judge by. I have heard these other two women
make a comment about how they feel distanced from
women who dress very trendy and always wear make up
or women who don't try to eat a completely healthy,
natural diet. Those are things that I would never even
think of as something to make me feel distanced
from someone. But there are other things that do create
that distance for me that they would never think of.
We all have our own "standards" and "expectations."

But here is what I am thinking....
shouldn't we be moving away from that?
Shouldn't we, if we are believers, be emphasizing
the things that unite us and not highlighting our differences?
I'm not talking about matters of vital doctrine here.
Don't get me wrong.
But if you eat a strict vegan diet,
can you really not be friends
with someone who is frying up a plate of hamburgers?
If you only wear dresses, can you not entertain the thought
that a woman in a pair of jeans can be just as godly as you?
Would you, home schooling mom of 21 children all birthed
at home and speaking fluent Latin, find it difficult to
truly embrace a friendship with a working mother
of two kids who attend public school?

I think somehow it is linked to pride and self-righteousness.
Is that a strange conclusion to jump to?
That's just what I think it leads to if you follow it
all the way down to the root. We think that our
preferences are "the way it should be." We think that
if God led us to do something, then surely He wants everyone
else in the world to do it. And then we want to pat ourselves
on the back for being so wonderful to obey God
and we want to look down our noses on those
who are not doing the same thing.

I just think that God deals with us each differently.
Again, don't get me wrong.
I'm not talking about something
like "situational ethics" here.
Don't get me wrong.
Don't be eager to go down that path.

I'm just saying if you yourself used to be a certain way,
and now you aren't that way anymore,
why would you write off someone
who is now where you once were?
Maybe God hasn't directed their steps
in the way He directed yours YET.
Shouldn't we be dealing with each other
with a significant measure of GRACE?

I don't know if you understand what I am saying or not.
I'd love to hear your thoughts in response, if you have any.

It's getting late. I should probably go to bed.
My pillow is calling my name.
And I love my pillow.
We are great friends.