While today has been much better than last Monday
and most of last week,
it has not been a great day for me personally.
I feel like I am struggling with something unknown.
I told you I had an "incomplete" feeling about our
schooling. I feel like I am just struggling in general
with some big "unknown."
I don't know how to better describe it.
I am trying to do the things I know I ought to be doing.
I am trying to walk in the plain paths, not looking to the
left or right. Part of me feels like I'm finally at a point,
after the big stink and the crazy pregnancy
and all the health weirdness before the pregnancy
....that after all that, I'm finally at a point where I can
just relax and stop holding on so tightly.
Whenever I ride a roller coaster,
I always have a death grip on the safety bar in front of me
until that point where you realize all the loops and
mountains are over, you're about to ride into the shed
and get out of the scary ride.
Things in our lives have been mountains and valleys,
unexpected loops and drama, roller coaster living
for quite a while now.
I keep wanting to return to the way things were before.
I keep wanting to find a way to get back to that
simplicity and easiness
I had before. And right now I just feel like
I am struggling.
I'm tired.
I'm constantly stressed.
I'm overwhelmed sometimes with just all the daily stuff,
never mind the big picture.
I feel so inadequate.
I wonder why God has given me so much to do
when I am not better equipped for the job.
I don't like some things in my life and I can't change them.
I just feel like I need somebody to take care of me.
I don't mean to take care of me like
do things for me or make my life easier.
Perhaps a better way to say it would be that I feel like
I need some one to care for me,
to be concerned about me, to watch out for me.
Maybe I feel vulnerable, weak,
something like that.
A friend of mine posted a verse today on facebook
that was such an encouragement for me.
It has been one of my favorites
for several years now.
It was Isaiah 40:11 where it speaks of how
the Lord will "gently lead those who are with young."
I needed that reminder.
I need to be gently led right now.
Do you ever feel that way?
and most of last week,
it has not been a great day for me personally.
I feel like I am struggling with something unknown.
I told you I had an "incomplete" feeling about our
schooling. I feel like I am just struggling in general
with some big "unknown."
I don't know how to better describe it.
I am trying to do the things I know I ought to be doing.
I am trying to walk in the plain paths, not looking to the
left or right. Part of me feels like I'm finally at a point,
after the big stink and the crazy pregnancy
and all the health weirdness before the pregnancy
....that after all that, I'm finally at a point where I can
just relax and stop holding on so tightly.
Whenever I ride a roller coaster,
I always have a death grip on the safety bar in front of me
until that point where you realize all the loops and
mountains are over, you're about to ride into the shed
and get out of the scary ride.
Things in our lives have been mountains and valleys,
unexpected loops and drama, roller coaster living
for quite a while now.
I keep wanting to return to the way things were before.
I keep wanting to find a way to get back to that
simplicity and easiness
I had before. And right now I just feel like
I am struggling.
I'm tired.
I'm constantly stressed.
I'm overwhelmed sometimes with just all the daily stuff,
never mind the big picture.
I feel so inadequate.
I wonder why God has given me so much to do
when I am not better equipped for the job.
I don't like some things in my life and I can't change them.
I just feel like I need somebody to take care of me.
I don't mean to take care of me like
do things for me or make my life easier.
Perhaps a better way to say it would be that I feel like
I need some one to care for me,
to be concerned about me, to watch out for me.
Maybe I feel vulnerable, weak,
something like that.
A friend of mine posted a verse today on facebook
that was such an encouragement for me.
It has been one of my favorites
for several years now.
It was Isaiah 40:11 where it speaks of how
the Lord will "gently lead those who are with young."
I needed that reminder.
I need to be gently led right now.
Do you ever feel that way?
Posts
2 comments:
Oh my Friend,
Doesn't it take a long time to get used to a "new normal?" I guess we get used to it right before life changes.
Ginny Owens song - Free----listen to the words when you can.
http://www.lyrics.com/free-lyrics-ginny-owens.html
I couldn't copy and paste...oh well, that's the link. It's one of my favorite songs.
Many, MANY times, my friend. After TWO horrendous years, I just now feel like I'm juggling all the balls without constantly loosing my rhythm and dropping them all. When I couldn't shake the exhaustion and depression and negative thinking though, I did go and get a physical just to rule out that something needed extra maintenance or a tune-up. Turns out my thyroid was getting freaked out and since being on a little medication for that, my world has become much brighter again!!! Other things have changed too, but that was something tangible I could work on!! Just keep on doing the next thing!! The Lord is working on something and you'll see it soon enough!! Trust!
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