What have I done?

I guess I am having one of those days.
I am sitting here remembering simpler times and just wondering
what in the world I have gotten myself in to.
I'm seeing the glass half-empty today.
Ever have days like that?
When you just wish you could fast forward or rewind life
to a better place in time? I am so there today. I just long for
normalcy and for the simplicity of my ordinary days
.....days that will never return.
I'm probably just cumulatively tired.
Three weeks of regularly interrupted sleep does that to you.
And I have to say---I just feel old.
Too old to be the mother of a
newborn baby.
I feel like I have had the life sucked out of me and
everyone is waiting for me to just re-inflate
(like that automatic pilot that shows up to fly
the plane at the end of "Airplane!")
and to resume life as before.
I'm just in a foul mood today--and that's not a good way
to be when you have your in-laws here
and you have to be nice
to them though they are also tired
and ready to return to their
lives and their home. Of course I am going to be
nice to them. They have saved my bacon through
this whole ordeal. But you know how after
a while no matter who the guest is,
you start to get on each others nerves?

I feel sorry for my kids (who have been good)
but they have just had
a cloud of weirdness over their lives
for about two months. I feel like nothing
has been normal or fun for them.
And now it's bitterly cold outside
(I'm wishing for one of those
January warm spells to come around)
so they can't go out and burn off energy.
Their grandmother is tired
of their restless antics and
her patience is wearing thin.

And if one more person talks about the
lovely wonderful snow,
I am going to throw them out
in that lovely wonderful stuff
on their face.
I hate snow.
But today is kind of a
"I hate everything" day for me.

I really would like to fast forward to about May.
I'd like to be done nursing and have a baby who is
sleeping and less fragile and to have warm days so my
kids can play out and to be near the end of the
semester, not with all of it left to do.
I'd like to just be at a different place
than where I am today.
Where am I today?

Fat
sore
tired
annoyed
trapped
cold
impotent
ungrateful.

Such a joy to be around.

Wouldn't it be lovely to fast forward
to a warm spring day?
Can we do that?
Have you seen the remote?

Or maybe I should just stop my whining.